Resolving Conflict

Recently, I had a conflict with my son who is 6 years old with regards to managing his "piggy bank" money. He wanted to exchange one of the birthday gift he had received from a friend to something that he really wants from the toy shop. I told him he can do that provided the exchanges it with a toy that is either the same price as the one he has or lower. If we had to pay more, then he was going to do it with his piggy bank money. He said ok and we went to the shop and he chose the toy and of course it cost more than the toy that we had brought with us. Since he did not bring his money to the store, I paid first. He promised to pay me back later when we get home. But while we were in the car and on our way home, he asked me why would I want to take his money away from him as he is a small boy who is learning how to save money. He told me that I was being mean to him. Just before that I was getting annoyed for having to explain why a few times to him but when he started crying and accusing me of being mean, I realized that I wasn't trying to understand the emotions and the thoughts that are going through his mind. I was only focused on the logic but not his emotions. Luckily, we arrived at home. So we go in and I kneeled down and hugged him. I started by telling him that I loved him very much and I will definitely not think of being mean to him at anytime. I spoke to him in a gentle tone of voice that I only wanted him to be more responsible of his money. We cuddled a bit longer and spoke about the whole thing and then he seemed to understand why I said what I said to him.

I guess when there is conflict with children, we need to get down to their level and try and explain it in such a way that we do not ignore their feelings towards the issue and respect it if they are or not ok with it. Not just adults, even children needs validation and be respected when they are talking to grown up. And most often than not, in the name of disciplining them, we forget to do what we should do.

And the body language and my tone of voice that I used helped me to get the message through. I was gentle and I hugged him to make sure he knows that I love him more than anything. And then slowly talk about the issue.

These are the two strategies that I learnt and used to resolve my conflict with my son.

I know most of us are parents and I would like to know how you would have handled it differently the first time. Thank you.

Me as a Communicator!

  I have always thought that I have been a very conscious communicator meaning I am very conscious about what I say, how I say it to others, and how do I say it. My body language is equally very important to me when I communicate with others. I try to always look from other's point of view. This is what my husband thinks about me as well. However, he pointed out to me that, although that is a good trait that I have, somehow sometime it becomes my weakness as well. Why? Because I tend to always want to please everybody by forgoing my own opinions and thoughts. At first this comment from him, surprised me but it got me thinking one day and I realized it is true. Why do I even do it? Because I realized I want to be liked by everyone. I also realized that I will get burned out if I continue like. I should always be confident to voice out my opinions and thoughts even if its the same as others. I am still working on myself. 

  There was an incident in my son's preschool that happened this week. My son has a best friend and his name is S and his mom happens to be my best friend and her name is V. These two boys have been in preschool for 2 years so they know each other quite well. This year there was a new boy who joined the preschool and his name is M and his mom's name is J. S and M are spanish speakers so they have almost the same cultural and language background. S and M started having problems being friends from beginning of the school year. S have been sort of not letting M play with him and his other friends and this had affected M very badly. M's mom J and the teacher's had known about whats happening from that time however nobody told my friend, V about it until when it was mid-year. V was very sorry that S had caused so much hurt for M but at the same time she was upset that nobody told her anything although everyone knew about this. This is definitely big communication mishap. This is when I learnt that people should just open their mouth and say what they think , in a nice way of course then things will be less complicated.

  I watched a video today and it is about a divorced mom with three kids who was going through turmoil in her life and how simple uplifting words of a therapist changed her life, gave her new hope and positive outlook about herself when she was hitting rockbottom. Please watch this at this link: Click here!

This video had definately taught me that no matter what, always have a positive word to say to people because you will never know how it will change their life. 

Ways of Communicating

 Recently, the US Election has been a hot topic in the school. I have learnt in the past few weeks that there has been groups who are having different opinions and outlook about this event. Some people have been uttering hurtful words to other who have different opinions and were once their friends. I have learnt that to have better communication and harmony, one should be more respectful of others opinion.
 I would mind healthy discussion about this topic however, it is almost impossible hence I have stopped talking about this in school with anyone. Well at least for another few weeks. 

Communication Skills and Styles

 I was recently watching "Grey's Anatomy" TV show on the internet. Without switching the sound on I realised that the whole series are about the doctors, nurses and patients in a particular hospital. There is alot happening in the series. Most part its being shot in the emergency room hence I could feel the tense moments that everyone is going through. Their face is either frowned, completely eye locked with whoever they are communicating with in the operation room. The doctors are very serious and focused on their job. Families of the patients are worried and anxious of a certain procedure thats being taken place. They are walking around and looking at each and every staff that is walking out of the operation room. It looked like a complicated pregnancy which has been taken into the operation room and the husband of the lady is waiting outside anxiously with his wife's parents.

 When I switched on the volume, I realized I was correct about everything that I had assumed except for the parents in the waiting room. They were the father-to-be's parents. I would have definitely known better about this sitcom had I been watching it regularly.