Recently, I had a conflict with my son who is 6 years old with regards to managing his "piggy bank" money. He wanted to exchange one of the birthday gift he had received from a friend to something that he really wants from the toy shop. I told him he can do that provided the exchanges it with a toy that is either the same price as the one he has or lower. If we had to pay more, then he was going to do it with his piggy bank money. He said ok and we went to the shop and he chose the toy and of course it cost more than the toy that we had brought with us. Since he did not bring his money to the store, I paid first. He promised to pay me back later when we get home. But while we were in the car and on our way home, he asked me why would I want to take his money away from him as he is a small boy who is learning how to save money. He told me that I was being mean to him. Just before that I was getting annoyed for having to explain why a few times to him but when he started crying and accusing me of being mean, I realized that I wasn't trying to understand the emotions and the thoughts that are going through his mind. I was only focused on the logic but not his emotions. Luckily, we arrived at home. So we go in and I kneeled down and hugged him. I started by telling him that I loved him very much and I will definitely not think of being mean to him at anytime. I spoke to him in a gentle tone of voice that I only wanted him to be more responsible of his money. We cuddled a bit longer and spoke about the whole thing and then he seemed to understand why I said what I said to him.
I guess when there is conflict with children, we need to get down to their level and try and explain it in such a way that we do not ignore their feelings towards the issue and respect it if they are or not ok with it. Not just adults, even children needs validation and be respected when they are talking to grown up. And most often than not, in the name of disciplining them, we forget to do what we should do.
And the body language and my tone of voice that I used helped me to get the message through. I was gentle and I hugged him to make sure he knows that I love him more than anything. And then slowly talk about the issue.
These are the two strategies that I learnt and used to resolve my conflict with my son.
I know most of us are parents and I would like to know how you would have handled it differently the first time. Thank you.
I guess when there is conflict with children, we need to get down to their level and try and explain it in such a way that we do not ignore their feelings towards the issue and respect it if they are or not ok with it. Not just adults, even children needs validation and be respected when they are talking to grown up. And most often than not, in the name of disciplining them, we forget to do what we should do.
And the body language and my tone of voice that I used helped me to get the message through. I was gentle and I hugged him to make sure he knows that I love him more than anything. And then slowly talk about the issue.
These are the two strategies that I learnt and used to resolve my conflict with my son.
I know most of us are parents and I would like to know how you would have handled it differently the first time. Thank you.
Hi Pushpa,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story concerning your son. I agree that we have to respect children and listen to them. We have to show children that we value what they say and their feelings. I can recall a conflict of a child who would cry everyday when he got to daycare. The teacher did not show compassion or respect his feelings. I asked him why he was crying. He stated that his parents are getting a divorce, and he would have to live with one and not see the other parent.I felt his pain, and talked to him about divorce, and I explained to him that he would still be able to be with his parents at different times. He smiled and gave me a hug. So, we have to respect children's feelings and build relationships with them.